Couples – Infidelity

     Infidelity by someone in a relationship is one of the most devastating things that can occur to a couple.  This betrayal creates anger, distrust, vengeful feelings and it destroys communication and intimacy.  It threatens the future and the dreams that one had about the other and the relationship.


     Couples seek out therapy when infidelity has happened to deal with the intense feelings that have resulted.  They need a place to learn to talk again in the midst of those overwhelming feelings and to see if they can get the relationship back on track.  


     The only way to heal from this kind of betrayal and get the relationship back into a healthy, functioning place is by being accountable and transparent.  Becoming accountable and transparent requires the couple to work together to understand the impact of the transgression.  For the partner who strayed, he/she will have to evaluate and understand his/her behaviors and triggers and to make the commitment to change those.  


     When I work with couples around the issue of infidelity, the first step is to deal with the intense emotions that have resulted from the affair.  Then we identify and deconstruct the hurdles that are preventing the couple from re-building trust and intimacy.  Finally, the couple works on strategies to re-establish trust and intimacy in the relationship.  I provide the structure and format for this to happen.  The degree of success in this process is dependent upon the degree to which the individuals in the couple commit to understanding themselves, their relationship, and their desire to do things differently.


     Undisclosed or excessive pornography use in a relationship can impact a couple like an affair does.  I work with individuals and couples, similarly, to understand the role and impact that pornography has in the relationship and provide strategies and insight to decrease or eliminate the use of porn in the relationship.